dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
