see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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