she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
