trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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