Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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