My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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