im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I deserve this hangover.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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