Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
