Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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