Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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