another moral hangover. fuck.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
