Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
