Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
