my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
