Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize