I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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