my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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