got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize