Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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