I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
