If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
