If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
