i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
