I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
