I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
