Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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