I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize