thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
