You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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