So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
