I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize