Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
