I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
