11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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