if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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