Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
