Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
