I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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