eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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