My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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