How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Randomize
