i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
