We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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