in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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