Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
A+ Viking dick
soo... how was my night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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