My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
