I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
