I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
