Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
