Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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