I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
