Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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