drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
