Plan B is the new Plan A
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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