I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
