i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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