You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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