I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
