Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
