Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
