I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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