I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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