So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
did you just send me my own nude
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
