Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
