just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
