I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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