I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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